someone get that fucking seahorse.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
