She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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