I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
