my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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