I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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