Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
