I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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