dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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