I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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