All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sext me about skeletons
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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