Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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