I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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