I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
