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i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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