Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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