a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
