Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That accounts for only three of the penises
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
