just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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