I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
