she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
