Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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