My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
