Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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