i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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