soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
