I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
