Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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