Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
