he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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