Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize