Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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