Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
