DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
