he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
