Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
