Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You ruined the universe
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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