The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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