Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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