You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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