Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
