Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
