you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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