Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
