I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
