Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
