I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just found puke in my bra..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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