No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Even my vagina gasped.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
