I didn't shave. On purpose
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
