is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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