Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
