I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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