lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
