so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize