How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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