I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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