next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
