You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
