I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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