My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this just has baby written all over it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
