I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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