The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
