Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
