My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
