While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
