I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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