it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
