Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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