Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
