he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
