I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
