I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
