Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
